“We came from a separation and we’re trying to work things out, how shall we start in saving marriage?”
Couples who just had been separated and are in terms of recovering their marriage face the question above. Even if how decisively they are into saving their relationship, they just seem clueless on the necessary steps they have to take.
Also, some couples share misconceptions about the process of recovering a marriage. They usually think that when they have saved their marriage, they will no longer face marital problems. Of course, problems are part of married life. No couple, no matter how strong and healthy their relationship is exempted to face marital struggles.
To guide you accordingly, here are the top ways to save your marriage after a separation:
Rebuild the trust in the relationship.
Whether it was infidelity, money issues, addiction problems or personality differences which have caused your separation, the first step in recovering your marriage is rebuilding trust. At this point you are expected to have buried the hatchet and have forgiven each other.
Well, rebuilding the trust is as difficult as rebuilding the relationship. Trust is one key pillar in marriage. Since there is no magic formula in rebuilding trust, the initial steps you can do is to rebuild the bond.
Certainly, over the time you were separated, you have lost the special connection you and your spouse have both shared. So you need to start at that point. Focus on rebuilding the friendship between you and your partner. Becoming ease again at each other, being friends again will certainly bring the trust back in your marriage.
Do not allow anxiety, fear or any negative thoughts hinder you.
Different factors could pessimistically affect you in this process. They can be internal, such as your own fears, doubts and feelings of anxiety. They can also be external factors, such as the opinion of your family and of your friends about the idea of marriage recovery. Those things are normal. Those negative factors are but part of this process. Nevertheless, you and your spouse should not let those negativities affect your actions.
Focus on your goal, which is to recover your relationship. Focus on the positive sides of the situation. Be decisive. Be determined. Indeed, this whole thing about saving marriage shall pass. You’ll certainly get through. You need to be optimistic about the process. More importantly, you need to trust each other.
Go to marriage therapy.
Contrary to what most people think about marriage help, you don’t need to see a counselor just when things are falling apart. Actually, you can always seek marriage counselor every time you need guidance in importance phases in your relationship.
As for recovering your marriage, you shall go to marriage help programs. The sessions will be helping you with the necessary steps to take. More importantly, a systematic marriage disclosure will be made. It’s important to gain perspectives from an expert, giving you some tips and pieces of advice on how to effectively live together as husband and wife.
Reconnect and communicate more.
The best way to reconnect with your spouse is through communicating with him/her much more. In saving your marriage, you need to nurture the special connection that the only of you share. Open, honest and regular communication must be a priority too. Do not anymore commit the mistake of overlooking how your communication habits can make or break your relationship. Express yourselves more, even what you do not like about the relationship or what you wish your spouse would act or say more. More importantly, be the best listener that your partner can ever have. In married life, it will only be you and your partner who must be the best supporters of each other. Only by active listening then, you can better understand your spouse’s fears, anxieties, doubts, his/her dreams, expectations, what he/she feels or thinks. Only then you can best help him/her in his/her personal struggles.
Regain a strong sense of intimacy.
Romance is another essential element of marriage. From the time you were separated, or even years before the separation, you certainly must have lost the spark of romance. This time around, prioritize your sexual life. As marriage experts advise, you must actually include it on your schedule. Continue dating too. A regular date night will bring back the magic to your marriage.
The process really should be fun.
The fact that you and your spouse are getting back together is a wonderful thing! Thus the process of recovering your marriage should be fun. Forget about the stress and pressure. Instead, take delight in that you are together again, working your best in saving marriage.